What started as a sniffle turned into a roaring cough, and me being the proactive/paranoid sort, charged along to the Paediatrician.
Mother: “Nurse – I need an immediate appointment – IMMEDIATELY!!!”
Nurse: “What’s wrong?”
Mother: “It’s his chest – and he’s six months!!”
You see I’ve learned that if you downplay your baby’s illness to the Almighty Nurse, you will NEVER get an appointment. She’ll do her best to stand in your way! She’ll stick you at the bottom of the waiting list, prescribe herbal meds to you over the phone...anything to stop you from seeing the doctor!
BUT...
one of them slipped up a few months ago when I demanded an appointment.
I made the mistake of saying, “I don’t think he’s too bad, just a runny nose.”
And not getting my desired reaction, being met with silence on the other end of the line, I added
“I just don’t know, perhaps it’s his chest?”
BINGO!
Without thinking, she let out the cardinal secret – “You can’t leave a chest infection, if you suspect it’s his chest, then you better bring him in!”
ACCESS GRANTED!!
So you see, now no matter what is wrong with Baby, I slot in the “I think it’s his chest” and I throw in his age and all of a sudden, the doctor is able to see me within the next few hours!
MAGIC!!!
So having been to the doctor and armed with, “Don’t worry, it’s viral, he’ll be fine – just ride it out”... (this by the way is the worst advice to give a sleep deprived mother), I left her office rejected.
Riding it out began around 19h00.
He ate, he bathed, he went to sleep....
Mother was suspicious – is this too good to be true?
The answer as always is...YES!
22h00: I lay my head on the pillow, waiting in anticipation...
23h00: Nothing – more waiting
00h00: Silence – maybe he’s fine?
01h00: Aahhh, the sweet release of sleep!
02h00: ^%$#@! &^$#$
What...wha....Husband shoves wife out of bed...Go!!!
I knew it!
Off I trode to the room – how cruel!
Mother: “What’s wrong?”
Baby: “AAAAHHH” roughly translated: I’m not really sure...perhaps it’s my chest?
I tried everything...
02h05: Telament Drops for Cramp,
02h15: Calpol for Fever and Pain,
02h30: Warm water for thirst
02h45: Sugar Water for constipation
02h50: Hymns for GOD’s help
03h00: Rocking
03h10: Milk for hunger
03h30: Swearing
03h40: Mother raised baby above her head and in a tone of exasperation shouted:
“WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME HUH??? WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!!”
Of course at this exact minute, Husband decided to walk in to the room to check on his beloved wife and child.
Husband: “What are you doing? He’ll never settle if you shout and shake him! Are you crazy”
Mother: “YES...I’m a crazy person, I admit it, Divorce me and take full custody!!”
Husband: “What am I supposed to do?
Mother: “It’s viral...ride it out!”
Posts
So so true Gen!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!! This triggered off a 23year old memory that I had long forgotten about (by choice)....only for you Gen to politely REMIND ME WHY I AM SO HAPPY THOSE DAYS (and nights) ARE OVER FOR GOOD!!!!!!!! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
ReplyDelete"Dear God!! Thank you so much for making kids grow up and thank you for eventually (over time) making the smell of sour 'milky' vomit vacate a mother's pores!!!"
In the context of trying to get a doctor's appointment....let's hear it from the other end of the stick...
I am THE 'NURSE' - THE 'RECEPTIONIST'...YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!!! hehehehe
You have to get through me...so win me over and be nice!
However, let me give you some tips on what you MUST NOT do when trying to get in to see the doctor:-
1. Do not say this is an "emergency" (in a voice oozing with panic)..point being, "Why are you phoning me?? Get your kid to the nearest emergency room at your nearest hospital!!"
2. Do not say that you are a 'personal friend' of the doctor..point being, "So what would you like me to do? Cancel another patient for you??"
3. Do not say, "I need an urgent appointment!" and then when a time is offered.."Oh no, I can't come in at 3pm I have an aerobics class!"..point being, "NO FRIGGING COMMENT!!"
4. Do not make the mistake of thinking that the Doctor is sitting at her desk WAITING for your call....you are NOT her only patient who needs advice or another script, etc.
5. And when given the option to leave a message for the Doctor, do not call after an hour or so to demand in an irate manner almost implying that I DID NOT GIVE HER THE MESSAGE...why the Doctor has not called you back yet!!?
6. And last one for today (out of soooo many examples I can give)...Do not call the Doctor on her cell phone after hours (or in the middle of the night) to make an appointment for the next day and/or have a telephonic consultation with her...SHE DOES NOT WALK AROUND WITH HER APPMT BOOK UNDER HER ARM, SHE HAS A LIFE BEYOND YOU, SHE ALSO NEEDS TO SLEEP SO THAT SHE CAN BE MORE ALERT THE NEXT DAY TO HELP YOU AND YOUR CHILD...
and the best is after keeping her over an hour on the phone doing a 'full' consultation, do NOT get upset when she charges you for her time!!
LOL!!!.....just seeing it from a different angle!! Marcelle xx