Stiletto Heel vs Spitty Shoulder

I was thinking the other day that there is nothing quite like the feeling of saliva dribbling down your shoulder.

There is something about it, it just hits you out of nowhere, the surprising warmth you feel as it gently seep into your shirt, its almost comforting. But don't be fooled, this is not true comfort, this is reality... pack away the Gucci doll...

This is the life of first time mother...aka...Spitty Shoulder!

Spitty Shoulder has had to end her life long friendship with Stiletto Heel..

Unfortunately since the birth of Spitty's baby, they don't have much in common.

Stiletto wakes up rested after a well deserved 8 hour snooze to shower, exfoliate, cream her cuticles and shape her eyebrows.

By morning, Spitty hasn't yet been to bed, she falls into the shower, uses Husband's soap because its the closest and seriously considers shaving her eyebrows (perhaps its quicker?)

Stiletto carefully selects her garments for the day, being mindful to colour code the items and to fall in line with the season's trends.

Spitty can't find her black maternity pants, you know the ones with the rubber waisted band - Spitty also can't find the hour glass waist she used to possess. Spitty throws on the baggiest, saggiest, frumpiest frock from her selection of floral dresses. What is it with maternity wear anyway? - I mean why the hell must everything be floral? Spitty cannot understand why blossoming and blooming is literally taken literally?

Stiletto pops in her Mini Cooper, sun roof off, Michael Buble on and whisks herself off to work in her corporate job. She is of course, 90 minutes early (to impress her bosses).

Spitty throws Spetite (baby) into her Family VW, spends 45 minutes negotiating the buckle of the car seat, spends another 10 minutes pacifying a now crying Spetite, secures the tinted windows, child locks all doors, and speeds through the traffic, muttering fowl obscenities under her breathe to all living beings in between verses of "Ten Green Bottles".

Stiletto reads the Cosmopolitan, carefully taking mental notes about relationships, fashion and Lindsay Lohan.

Spitty reads "Your baby and Toddler" carefully tearing out the pages about milestones, pain and fever and sleep training.

Stiletto has a mild headache, she books herself off work for a week citing "need to improve stress management - health compromised".

Spitty sees spots in front of her eyes and has suspiciously tried to wind and feed Husband the dummy for the past few days... she ignores these symptoms completely citing "Is that poo I smell?" .

Stiletto goes to bed, face mask applied, cosmo in hand.

Spitty goes to bed, bottles sterilised, nappy secured.

Stiletto thinks of her old friend Spitty, the fun they used to have.

Spitty thinks of nothing... she's got 45 minutes before Spetite wakes up and she damn well is going to sleep!

During the night, it was said that Spetite smiled at Spitty, briefly and instantly.. Spitty knew it was all worth it!!!